(A series of posts about Friendship with Jesus: An Imaginative Prayer Journey.)
There are many ways one might name the stages we live through in a growing friendship. In the book, Friendship with Jesus, I have named "watching" and "meeting" as the first two of these stages. We all have experience with these, both with our friends and with Jesus, though, to be sure, the experience with Jesus is unique. As I say in the book, the question of “meeting” Jesus can often be an awkward one and we may not use that language but it makes sense experientially that a growing friendship must contain some measure of connectedness between the parties.
But what happens next? What comes after meeting. As I spend time in the Gospels I see Jesus inviting his new friends to accompany him on his journey from place to place, town to town - to be with him, to “follow” him. This is not really the way we would describe the early stage of our other friendships. We do not typically “follow” people (except on social media). What we do is begin getting to know them. I write in the book:
When Jesus first met people he would often invite them to follow him. This is probably not the way your conversation goes when you first meet someone. But what Jesus meant by that invitation was not too far off what we mean when we invite our new friend for lunch. We usually use the phrase “following Jesus” metaphorically, to mean believing in him but Jesus uses this phrase much more literally to invite people to get up, put one foot in front of the other, and physically follow him—to go where he is going. (65-66).
I remember a season, actually many seasons, in my life when I wished that following Jesus was this easy, getting up and physically following him. I like the imagery because for me it connotes a relational connection, a "being with." Following Jesus has more to do with living our lives in relationship to him than believing certain things and not believing certain other things.
Beginning a Friendship
The early stages of a relationship bring to the fore all the qualities of a person that attracts us to them. What is it that I like about them? What do they do or say that I find so interesting? How do I feel when I am around them? Questions like these are commonplace with any new friend but what is it like for you to ask them regarding Jesus?
If you are anything like me, these questions seem awkward with Jesus. What do I like about him? What attracts me to him? How do I feel around him? All these kinds of questions don’t seem to fit well with Jesus. Is this because I don’t think of Jesus as a real person? Jesus is the one who has come to save me and redeem me and atone for my sins. But what does this mean apart from a living relationship? These words - save, redeem, atone - are all good words but they are very religious words that do not immediately take our minds to a place of relational connectedness the way friendship language and experience does. Jesus can often live in this religious and spiritual compartment in our minds that struggles to connect to our lived experience with other people. Jesus has become, for many of us, more like an idea than a real person.
Jesus has become, for many of us, more like an idea than a real person. (73)
As I began to ponder what I actually felt about Jesus as a person and as a friend, I began to feel a deep ache for a more vibrant relationship that felt real and alive. I slowly began to pay attention to what I noticed about him and what intrigued me enough to keep me coming back. Imaginative prayer helped me do this in a way that was much closer to how I experienced other relationships in my life. All the religious categories faded to the background and I was able to relate to Jesus more authentically as a real person.
Hearing from God
I speak a bit in the book about the essential nature of communication to any healthy relationship. This is no less true in our friendship with Jesus. But, as soon as I say that, many of you will feel the anxiety rising up within you. Listening to God, hearing God speak, communicating with Jesus, all this kind of language causes a whole variety of reactions in us. For some, this is all second nature. Many live with a very “conversational relationship with God,” to use Dallas Willard’s subtitle to his book Hearing God. But many of us struggle to experience this reality in our lives. We hear other people talk this way and we fluctuate between anger, skepticism, and longing. You are not alone!
I imagine that I will return to this topic again in these blog pages but I want to say a couple brief things here because it is central to our relationship with Jesus. As one who has struggled with this for many years I offer these brief words about listening to God.
First, God is better at speaking than we are at listening.
When we hear others speak about hearing this and that from God and we have no idea what they are talking about, it is good to remember that we are not deficient. There is not some secret skill that we have not been informed about. Whenever I hear people lamenting about their lack of hearing anything from God, it is almost always accompanied by a deep sense of inadequacy and feeling forgotten, overlooked, unseen.
An illustration I often use: If you were a parent and your child was struggling to understand what you were saying to them, would you not take it upon yourself to rectify that situation? Would you simply ignore the child’s attempts to hear you, hoping that they will somehow get better at their listening skills? Of course you wouldn’t! How much more will the Father lead us in our ability to hear and understand! There is growing and learning to do but we are not on our own to do it. God is with us. There is much more to say about this but this is an important first point.
Second, the language we use is often unhelpful.
All the language we use in this area - listening to God, hearing from God, God speaking to us – all of this immediately brings into our minds certain experiences we have had that circle around words being spoken audibly with mouths and heard aurally with ears. We may know cognitively that “listening” to God rarely includes this kind of experience but these words - listening, hearing, speaking - cannot help but put us into a certain frame of mind and experience that informs our expectations.
When we hear people say that God “told” them something and the experience is not explicitly described and explained, which it rarely is, we can be left with an impression that something happened to that person that never happens to us. If people in our circles speak this way often, we are left with the deep impression that we are missing out, that something must be wrong with us, or that God simply cannot be bothered to “say” anything to us.
All of this is tragic and unnecessary. The One who created your brain, your mind, your senses, your emotions, your body, your capacity to think – this One knows how to communicate with you, this One knows how to call you into friendship in a way that you will understand.
The language of “speaking” and “listening” is simply convenient shorthand to describe an experience as intimate and central to our being as an experience can be. God is the one who woos us. If you struggle to “hear” from God, relax. God is only getting started! And remember, John the gospel writer tells us that Jesus himself is the Word – when God speaks, a person comes out! All the more reason to enter into the Gospel stories and watch, meet, and follow this Jesus who is Word.
Trusting Jesus
It is sobering to write about trusting Jesus. So much could be said. So much has been said. But more than that, to write about trust invites a heart examination that can leave one humbled. I do not trust well. I am reminded of a C.S. Lewis quote, that I will adapt: "I am a trusting man for whom trust does not come easily."
We all know intuitively what it is like to trust someone. We are able, with such a person, to let our guard down, to loosen our grip on our control, to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open.
There is a givenness to trust. It seems to emerge slowly and we seem to discover it within ourselves rather than create it. To be sure, we can choose to trust someone beyond what we may feel. We can leave our pet project to someone else’s ideas, we can drop the car keys into our teenagers hands. But we know the difference between those experiences and the deep trust that lives in us when we no longer have to make a choice – trust is simply there.
This kind of trust needs room to grow and can only emerge within a loving relationship. Imaginative prayer has helped me to engage with Jesus relationally and fostered an atmosphere where trust can actually grow. Following Jesus is one thing, but trusting is an entirely new level of relationship. When I step out onto the water with Peter, when I cast out demons with the disciples, I learn the actual extent of my trust.
It has been easy for me to say the words, "I trust Jesus." Imaginative prayer has helped me to see how true this is. Mostly I have been humbled by my lack of trust.
But Jesus does not condemn. Whenever he says to his friends, "Oh, you of little faith," I often imagine him saying it with a twinkle in his eyes, as if to say, "I know you do not trust me much, but you will. Follow me."
Again, there is so much more one could say but this post is already too long. Pray the story "On the Water" from Chapter 7. You can find it on the Podcast page. Until next week...
Parent and child analogy is very encouraging